Dreams have a funny way of being vivid and vague at the same time. They can feel so real but when you wake up they feel so fleeting and distant. I have had two dreams this past week that have stuck with me so vividly and felt so real while I was dreaming but they were also so hard to explain once I woke up.
The more recent one had bright blue colors everywhere. Everything seems to glisten and shine. It had a Pleasantville feel to the whole landscape. There was a big rectangular pool at the center of the dream with condos surrounding it with very little space between the front of the perfectly identical condos and the edge of the pool. You could jump from a window of the condo straight into the pool if you wanted to. But jumping into a pool didn’t really seem like something that was done in this community. Everyone who lived there also worked in the only shopping store that was there. It was a sporting goods store that had all the amenities you could ever need to use in the pool. Their seemed to be some shady business going on with the equipment & the floats that people where using, they where not supposed to be bought or sold and somehow we all had access to everything that was not supposed to be sold at the store. The floaties came in a little ball that could fit in my hand and I would throw it up into the air and when it hit the pool it would expand into an elaborate blue and white pool float that had beautiful circular shade over the top. Each one would unfold into a different type of float and some where much prettier than others. I got a pretty one. Someone who seemed like the boss of the store whispered me over to tell me not to say that I purchased the float. I already had the situation covered and said, “No of course it was just my birthday this was a gift.” She was pleased and sent me on my way, I realized at this point that I was only a small child and she as an adult she shouldn’t decide what I got to say but no one ever asked me anyway.
Then the dream started to take a strange turn. Instead of being part of the dream I became an observer, I watched as a gay couple entered into one of the condos in the tight-knit complex and started to whisper in a panic to each other. One was wearing a silky pink see-through robe and the other a grey loose fitting robe and they went around their condo searching for items that might be worth something to sell. The man in the pink robe that I could now see also had little pick tuffs of fluff on the ends of the sleeves said, “Lets go through my closet and see what we can sell that should pay for it.” The other man said, “No I like your clothes…hey what about the artworks we made on the walls?” then I could see these intricate wood worked art pieces with deep wood frames and metal worked triangles and other pieces of metal and wood arranged in different ways inside the frames. There were clean and put together well and the two men agreed that they could sell these for a good price.
My birds eye view then cut to a woman out in front of their condo between the walkways and not by the pool peering in through the blinds at the two men. She had a black hat with a netted veil and a classy black feather on the side with a read button up dress and black tights and boots with heels. She did not say anything but I could tell she thought that selling the paintings was distasteful and inappropriate. Almost like any type of selling or buying in this community was simply not allowed. She walked off only to appear again later, dragging the body of one of the men from before down a long brick stair case to a furnace in a cellar. I was only an observer but this time it was from a ground up perspective watching only the shadows of the woman with a feather in her hat and the body of the man with fur on his robe being dragged with ease down the stairs by his collar. I could see his head bounce as it hit each of the stairs on the way down, almost as if it was going to fall off at any moment.
I have many reoccurring dreams that have the same landscapes and settings but different people. Growing up I really had a hard time understanding that good friends were better than cool or popular friends and I tried a way too hard to be in the cool crowd. I often ended up abandoning or ditching people that could have been real lifelong friends. I have learned my lesson over the years about what true friends are and what that means. Sometimes I think my brain goes back to working out and understanding what it means to be a cool kid versus someone that is made fun of or picked on by the cool kids when we are growing up and learning about life.
All of us perceive each other in different ways and even though many kids in my school perceived me as one of the cool kids I was often teased for being a dork or nerd. I later realized that meant I was smart but it took me a long time to figure that out. I was the first born in my family and my parents wanted to protect me and I think that made me pretty naive and sheltered and I had to learn many things the hard way especially about how some people treat others.
My dream earlier this week was one similar to one I have had before. We are always in the wilderness somewhere and there is always a small cabin or trailer home that one kid family owns to go up and party in. Of course it would always be far away from any adult supervision. This time it was a motor home type thing on the very top of a big hill. The terrain was really rough and steep with a lot of loose rocks and thorny bush weeds scattered about. The cool kids were rolling down the hill with safety goggles on and big puffy jackets with hoods to protect then from the rocks and thorns as they rolled. Then they dared my friend Byron to roll down the hill as well. He was so excited to be chosen to participate he threw on a jacket and got ready to roll but the one the kids gave him didn’t have a hood or the safety goggles to wear. I tried to tell him not to roll down the hill with out the extra protection but he just smiled his big smile and dove rolled into the hill. The popular kids laughed and then I woke up.
Themes: Cliques, popularity, human nature, society, friends, community, fear, insecurity, water, death, murder, money