Society

Dreams have a funny way of being vivid and vague at the same time. They can feel so real but when you wake up they feel so fleeting and distant. I have had two dreams this past week that have stuck with me so vividly and felt so real while I was dreaming but they were also so hard to explain once I woke up.

The more recent one had bright blue colors everywhere. Everything seems to glisten and shine. It had a Pleasantville feel to the whole landscape. There was a big rectangular pool at the center of the dream with condos surrounding it with very little space between the front of the perfectly identical condos and the edge of the pool. You could jump from a window of the condo straight into the pool if you wanted to. But jumping into a pool didn’t really seem like something that was done in this community.  Everyone who lived there also worked in the only shopping store that was there. It was a sporting goods store that had all the amenities you could ever need to use in the pool. Their seemed to be some shady business going on with the equipment & the floats that people where using, they where not supposed to be bought or sold and somehow we all had access to everything that was not supposed to be sold at the store. The floaties came in a little ball that could fit in my hand and I would throw it up into the air and when it hit the pool it would expand into an elaborate blue and white pool float that had beautiful circular shade over the top. Each one would unfold into a different type of float and some where much prettier than others. I got a pretty one. Someone who seemed like the boss of the store whispered me over to tell me not to say that I purchased the float. I already had the situation covered and said, “No of course it was just my birthday this was a gift.” She was pleased and sent me on my way, I realized at this point that I was only a small child and she as an adult she shouldn’t decide what I got to say but no one ever asked me anyway.

Then the dream started to take a strange turn. Instead of being part of the dream I became an observer, I watched as a gay couple entered into one of the condos in the tight-knit complex and started to whisper in a panic to each other. One was wearing a silky pink see-through robe and the other a grey loose fitting robe and they went around their condo searching for items that might be worth something to sell. The man in the pink robe that I could now see also had little pick tuffs of fluff on the ends of the sleeves said, “Lets go through my closet and see what we can sell that should pay for it.” The other man said, “No I like your clothes…hey what about the artworks we made on the walls?” then I could see these intricate wood worked art pieces with deep wood frames and metal worked triangles and other pieces of metal and wood arranged in different ways inside the frames. There were clean and put together well and the two men agreed that they could sell these for a good price.

My birds eye view then cut to a woman out in front of their condo between the walkways and not by the pool peering in through the blinds at the two men. She had a black hat with a netted veil and a classy black feather on the side with a read button up dress and black tights and boots with heels. She did not say anything but I could tell she thought that selling the paintings was distasteful and inappropriate. Almost like any type of selling or buying in this community was simply not allowed. She walked off only to appear again later, dragging the body of one of the men from before down a long brick stair case to a furnace in a cellar. I was only an observer but this time it was from a ground up perspective watching only the shadows of the woman with a feather in her hat and the body of the man with fur on his robe being dragged with ease down the stairs by his collar. I could see his head bounce as it hit each of the stairs on the way down, almost as if it was going to fall off at any moment.

____________________________________________________________________________________________

I have many reoccurring dreams that have the same landscapes and settings but different people. Growing up I really had a hard time understanding that good friends were better than cool or popular friends and I tried a way too hard to be in the cool crowd. I often ended up abandoning or ditching people that could have been real lifelong friends. I have learned my lesson over the years about what true friends are and what that means. Sometimes I think my brain goes back to working out and understanding what it means to be a cool kid versus someone that is made fun of or picked on by the cool kids when we are growing up and learning about life.

All of us perceive each other in different ways and even though many kids in my school perceived me as one of the cool kids I was often teased for being a dork or nerd. I later realized that meant I was smart but it took me a long time to figure that out. I was the first born in my family and my parents wanted to protect me and I think that made me pretty naive and sheltered and I had to learn many things the hard way especially about how some people treat others.

My dream earlier this week was one similar to one I have had before. We are always in the wilderness somewhere and there is always a small cabin or trailer home that one kid family owns to go up and party in. Of course it would always be far away from any adult supervision. This time it was a motor home type thing on the very top of a big hill. The terrain was really rough and steep with a lot of loose rocks and thorny bush weeds scattered about. The cool kids were rolling down the hill with safety goggles on and big puffy jackets with hoods to protect then from the rocks and thorns as they rolled. Then they dared my friend Byron to roll down the hill as well. He was so excited to be chosen to participate he threw on a jacket and got ready to roll but the one the kids gave him didn’t have a hood or the safety goggles to wear. I tried to tell him not to roll down the hill with out the extra protection but he just smiled his big smile and dove rolled into the hill. The popular kids laughed and then I woke up.

Themes: Cliques, popularity, human nature, society, friends, community, fear, insecurity, water, death, murder, money

 

Trains

I have finally started dreaming again. I was worried for a while that I would never remember/have another dream again and now they are coming every night. Last few nights the theme has been trains and subway like things. I think this is a common thing that I dream about regularly because of my urban planning sense and they way I think about cities and the future of travel. Living in Los Angeles and often driving around town and to Sacramento, San Fransisco, San Diego often I think of having better methods of transportation. Both while I wake and while I sleep.

Last night I dreamt that my sister, my friend, and I wanted to go to a place. We had a set destination in mind but when we got on the train we continually missed our stop. We also did not pay for our tickets. People who didn’t pay for their tickets don’t get thrown off the train but instead get moved to a section of the train for people that did not pay. This section was surprisingly not crowded and very strict. You could not swear or do anything that would be considered wrong or you would get moved to the bottom of the train. Nuns that were similar to the nuns in Doctor Who’s New Earth (season 2 episode 1) but they would fade out from those characters to the nuns from American Horror Story. Anyway, people all around us would get taken away for silly things like putting their dirty feet on the ground or on the back of the seat in front of them. We almost got taken a few times but did not. We got off at the next stop just to make sure we wouldn’t get taken down and would mill about at the stop for a bit then hop back on the train at a different part.

All of the stops were beautiful. Amazing bright scenery with beautiful large pathways with green tropical forest landscapes on either sides. As well as fountains that appear to be waterfalls. You could stand at the edge of a fountain and feel like you were floating next to a tropical forest. While the pathways were right next to the landscapes they still seemed very distance sort of like the fountains were portals to these different outside areas but you didn’t seem to be able to enter them, like maybe it was all artificial or not really there.

The train seemed to float right on the edge of the ocean. Like there was a glass tube on the ocean side so that the train could sit below the water line a just little bit.

One of the stops was more bamboo like were we were still right on the water line but there was these bamboo like palm trees that lined the ocean side of the train. these bamboo trees had little green and white lights that seemed to be moving through the trees as if if was part of their life force. At this particular stop we were warned that the people that lived there were natives and they did not like technology or people that used it. They tolerated the train but did not like visitors. We went anyway but did not see any native people while we were there. When we tried to get back on the train from that location they stopped us and had a big meeting about not letting us back on the train because we have been seeking on for days and getting away with it. So I decided to buy tickets for all of us this time and they let us back on.

We missed our stop again rode to the end of the tracks and then rode back and I woke up.

Also my sister wanted me to take drugs and take pictures of her on our trip. I took only three pictures and only one half way decent blurry picture that she kept.

Bits and Pieces

My dreams have been really sporadic lately & I have been sleeping a lot. It’s like my brain wants to spend more time figuring things out than actually taking action. Not so much that I sleep all day but it is hard to get up and I find myself wanting to go to bed earlier like my brain wants to keep dreaming forever.

I have had a lot of dream moments almost like reminder dreams, things I have done in dream country so that I remember to actually do them when I wake up. Stuff like checking on my staff to make sure they have done their job and paying rent. These dreams are interesting to me. Mostly because I can tell that I have lived a whole different version of my life or days in these dreams but only remember the bits and pieces as they are revealed to me.

It’s like they say with “The Secret.” What you think and believe is what your life becomes. I want to be more trusting of my subconscious because I believe that my own thoughts and original ideas are important and unique. I feel like if we all gave ourselves a little more credit instead of relying on others approval and opinions of how we should live our lives or what choices we should make. Otherwise I find myself fighting with my own subconscious instead of standing up for it, for myself.

This entry is a little all fragmented but it is my entry, so I’ll do what I want!!

Teeth

I think this must be an American or maybe a Los Angeles thing; we have such high standards for beauty here and I am always having terrifying dreams about my teeth. Sometimes they fall out. I will be trying to talk or have a serious conversation with someone and they start to fall out of my mouth one by one. Then they fall out in mass quantities like I have an endless amount of teeth that came from nowhere. Then I try to talk and I blurt random incoherent words and teeth spew out like foam from rabid dog’s mouth. It’s horrible and they always stick with me, when I wake up I am always feeling my mouth by pressing on my cheeks to make sure they are all still there.

Symbolism: teeth falling out might be a pretty literal fear but can also be fear of getting old or decaying. It speaks to my insecurities about teeth. I have friends talk about how some peoples teeth are disgusting and I worry about my teeth being that way one day to. I also notice it’s not that hard to end up as someone with bad teeth. It is not covered in most basic insurance packages and one or two months without being able to care for them and suddenly you are missing a tooth and have no way to pay to get it fixed. It is much harder to get a job or anything with a missing tooth and I feel for the newly homeless population here. Trying to get back on track without things like dental or any other health services.

The Stadium

My dreams take me to some crazy places, taking full advantage of the space in my head and inventing huge elaborate settings. Last night the Sandman took me to this gigantic stadium where some kind of heavy metal cult band was playing. It felt like it was set sometime in the future. It was dusty, mechanical, and grungy. The lights were extremely tall and I kept seeing bright flashes in my eyes like driving fast on a freeway or in a hospital movie scene where they are rushing the patient to surgery. It all felt very peaceful though as if I was meant to be there. Not scared at all.

The part I remember most is a man that I fell in love with over the course of the dream. At the end he was carrying me laid across his arms while walking alongside a never ending chain link fence. It sort of reminded me of high school, walking along the outside of the school where the football fields were on game night.

Earlier in the dream I was going back and forth about the type of guy I wanted to be with. Being a strong independent woman I foolishly tried to fight my way through this metal grunge mosh pit battle by myself. Only to realize I needed help and caring for after I got beat up a couple times.

I remember this one point when several men were sort of arguing about who was the best. I watched and picked the one I thought was the most caring and helpful. I remember really not liking him at first though. He seemed cocky but over the course of the dream he did little things that won me over. Nothing crazy or noble or anything just made me feel safe and comfortable. He was the man that carried me not away from the mosh pit but back in to try again.

Symbolism: Stadium, Fence, Lights, Mosh pit. The symbolism here feels very much like how I see our world today. Very much heading towards this sort of post-apocalyptic style of life where the rules don’t matter and all you have is yourself and the ones that love you. The stadium and fence remind me of something I don’t really have control over, something I’m not allowed to be a part of or have a say in, and jumping in to the mosh pit is me forcing my way in. I am not sure about the lights. They were the peaceful part of my dream and I think they might be trying to tell me there is hope.

Being a woman is really annoying for me sometimes. I want to be a strong independent woman who can do anything but the truth is I have limitations. I train at a Muay Thai (Martial Arts) gym in my community. I really enjoy it and I feel really strong and powerful. Yet I still can’t even come close to being as strong as the men who train just as hard as me. I like the idea of finding someone that supports me yet also doesn’t coddle me and instead sends me back into the pit because they know I am strong on my own and can do it. It’s a frustrating balance sometimes and I think my dreams try to battle it out while I’m sleeping.

Memories

I don’t always remember all of a dream. So many epic adventures lost to my subconscious. All I remember from this one are few flashes: being on open land, spinning, thinking about work. That’s it.

Symbolism: For work I do a lot of standing on land and looking at it. I always sort of want to spin and take everything in but I am usually with several other people and that’s awkward. Instead, I sort of sneak a slow spin and get a nice long circular shot with my camera. I think this dream was me trying to feel out a real spin.

The memory of a dream seems to feel different than other memories. I’ve talked about how the line can seemed blurred at times and I think it has a lot to do with how we remember experiences. Sort of how yesterday begins to feel like a dream. Our memories are not perfect and because we only know our dreams through memory they seem similar at times. Yet somehow we know the difference.

My Coworkers Dreams

My coworker dreams about work. She is always worried about doing the best she can and has very literal dreams about the office and her co-workers. Last night she dreamt about telling me that she needed something picked up by my staff at another location. In the dream I started asking her about where and the details. This morning when she went to ask me to have my staff do this, she could not help but be compelled to tell me that she had dreamt the exact same conversation the night before and had to remind her self it did not actually happen yet.

Symbolism: None

I couldn’t get more out of her but I am fascinated that my co-workers dreams are always about making sure she is doing a good job at work. We all work hard but I only dream about it when something is especially stressful or there is a big change happening. I am kind of jealous of how normal sounding her dreams are but I am thinking she might have watered down the telling of it to me. I was probably questioning her in a more interrogating manner then what she explained in her retelling.

These types of dreams also scare me. Once in a while I dream about something that seems real. Then when I wake up I have to sort out what actually happened or if everything was a dream. The fact that some dreams can blur the line of reality a little is scary to me.

A Dream from a Friend

In this dream we are at a diner. My good friend is with me and we decide to touch a burger sitting on the counter next to us. We were attempting to figure out if it was a sample but also just being dicks. The guy who owns the burger walks up and we start debating if we should tell him we violated his burger or not. Only to later find out, he already knew. He didn’t tell us at first but he was okay with it because the burger was actually dog food. He let us worry a bit then burst out in laughter and boasted to the waitress that his burger was for his dog so that we could hear.

Suddenly, we remembered we came with friends or friend like figures that mostly appeared to be long time couple and recently engaged friends of ours. They ended up continuing on without us at a booth.

We were outside waiting for our food when my friends’ estranged father shows up. She remembers that this is maybe why she no longer comes to this diner and wonders why she keeps running into him. I serve as a blockade and say, “She doesn’t want to talk to you!” and we begin to walk away. As we were walking we look down to realize she has no shoes. Her father then tosses them to her from across the street. Then she wakes up.

Symbolism: Shoes, Friends, Diner, Dog food

This dream feels a bit literal to me. She had run into her father recently at a grocery store they use to go to. Most of us can relate to the feelings that come with difficult family life and having to put up boundaries to protect ourselves. The shoes seem symbolic of still wanting that help from a father figure. Maybe a memory from putting shoes on as a kid, something most parents help us with when we are young. Engaged friends seems to be positive and acknowledgment of happiness along with siting in a diner causing mischief. Not sure about the dog food, I think this was a reminder to feed her dog in the morning.

Morning Dream

This space is to share and record my dreams. I keep a physical Journal and this is a way to share my crazy world of dreams with you. This morning I had a nightmare of a dream but only in the last hour of sleep before getting up for the day.

In most of my dreams I see through the main characters eyes. Sometimes it is me, other times it is a version of me or a made up person entirely.

I am in a log cabin with my younger sister. It is the middle of the night and my sister is looking out the window at someone she knows murdered people in another cabin. I was dropped into an already running story line but I knew immediately what she was looking out the window at. She turned to me and said something in fear. I knew it was coming for us and locked all the windows and doors and the pulled her away from her state of staring and we dodged into one of the small bedrooms.

Then I heard a click as if the front door was slowly and quietly being opened. I walked into the room and opened the door wide to confront the figure. It appeared like a man and a beast at the same time. He had a lock pick or key that doubled as a knife that he went to stab me with, I dodged and began to lunge forward. Then woke up out of fear.

Normally, I would be prepared to fight such a beast in my dreams but I was not prepared for this one having a key to our door.

Symbolism: Log Cabin, Nature, Family, Lock Pick, Key, and Window

I often think on what makes a human into a monster and how we as a society perceive good vs. evil. Sometimes my dreams reflect that processes.